WHAT YOU CAN DO NOW
Know -Their new screen is your old “neighborhood corner” (place to connect with their peers and their world)
-Screens are at least as addicting as drugs for teens.
-Excessive screen use is now linked with worrisome brain changes (e.g. thinning of the cortex, the smart brain in adolescents).
-Since teen phone use exploded in 2011, so have their rates of depression, anxiety, suicide and loneliness.
-Our goal here is not to control them, but to teach them to control themselves.
-Check to see if other things are suffering (sleep, mood, grades, sports, work).
-Negotiate a reasonable daily use limit and then review their logged hours after a week.
-Keep their computer in public or semi-public areas (not the bedroom) until you’re sure that they’re safe with screens
-If (when) their use wildly exceeds their goal, ask them what they can do to cut their use. Brainstorm together.
-Offer incentives for reduced use e.g. earning or failing to earn the next day’s use. Click Here to read the “TEN COMMANDMENTS OF PARENTING".
-Repeat their for a few weeks, again asking them to take charge of the issue.
-Pull the plug but ONLY AS A LAST RESORT, and immediately set up a plan for them to earn their phone back, but under your control until they can self-regulate.
WHAT YOU DON'T DO
-Yell or punish. They’ll hear more the less you say and the quieter you say it. Click Here to read the “TEN COMMANDMENTS OF PARENTING".
-Immediately pull that plug (unless you enjoy withdrawal-fueled explosions)
-Underestimate how important that screen can be to your kid
-Try to eliminate all screen use (they’ll miss out on a lot of good)
-Give up. Learning to control ourselves takes time and repeated failure
-Allow totally unsupervised access until at least age 13 and, until after you’ve monitored their use for about a year to insure they’re safe (many experts say that age should be 16. This expert is one.
HOW
Start softly with the least intrusive measures (see above) and slowly turn up the control but only as you need. The idea is for them to learn for themselves how to self-regulate. If you just yank the plug (and live to tell the tale) the tale you’ll tell is how they only learned how to be off line when you were around, and then went screen insane in college. Keep in mind that the idea of your teen having zero screen use would be about the equivalent of a permanent grounding to your teen self. The key, as with most everything adolescent, is for them to achieve a workable balance that becomes their own belief, one that they’ll keep for a lifetime, and one that will serve as a model for them with other future addicting behaviors.
WHY
Like it or not, the screen has largely replaced the old soda shop as the after school source of teen socialization, a function that is critical for adolescent development. While many contemporary parents wistfully long for the old soda shop, their own parents might have opted for the screen since bad teen things happened out in the old “real” world also. And the research suggests that those screen interactions can help with teen development just as the soda shop used to. But there can also be a downside which is likely why you’re reading this. Screens can be addictive and can start to stop their other activities (did you ever hang out too much as a teen?). Balanced use is fine, but when they start to live exclusively through a keyboard it’s time to intervene.
Have other teen concerns?
Contact Dr. Bradley to discuss creating a program tailor-made for your specific needs
Suite 15-B, 1200 Bustleton Pike Feasterville PA 19053
Dr. Michael J. Bradley Adolescent Psychologist
Suite 15-B, 1200 Bustleton Pike Feasterville PA 19053